I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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