Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
