Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
