Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
