yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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