my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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