I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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