we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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