Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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