you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
How does it feel to date your dad?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
