My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
