the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She announced her abortion via fbk
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
