thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
