Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
