I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just found a bag of teeth...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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