I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
and she was petting her beer can
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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