you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
