There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
