she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
