woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
