this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my shit smells like andre
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
