I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
