When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
