You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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