did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
