help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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