She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Randomize
