you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
