When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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