She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
