The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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