He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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