So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
