Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
