he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Randomize
