I want to stick my p in your. b.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
