he quoted the bible to break up with me
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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