I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
