he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
