I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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