I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
