operation harelip BJ is a go
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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