google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
