when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
