I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
