So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
