Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
