what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
