A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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