the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Do vagina's smell?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I stole a fireplace last night.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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